stung

I have always been the biggest source of disappointment to me.  But every once in a while I am reminded I still have some competition...  Recently, in attempting to lighten another's burdens, who is genuinely stuck between a rock and a hard place, I was stung by a glimpse of their worst side.  It is one thing to see your own worst side.  You know it is there, and you try to keep it beaten down so no one else sees it.  You know eventually, somewhere, somehow, it is going to stick it's head up high enough to embarass you.  But to see another's aimed at you when you are doing everything you can to try to ease their burdens in life, well, just, wow!

One of my favorite movie lines is from "A River Runs Through It," and goes like this:  "Why is it that the people who need help the most won't accept it?"  I'll go one further:  "Why is it that people who need a true friend the most run them off at every turn?"  Honestly, there was even a little back-stabbing going on.  It is an ugly, ugly pain.  I'm no victim, nor do I wish to sound like one.  But, I feel like a big sucker, and my heart grew 3 callouses in a matter of seconds.  I want to say that I will never ever purposefully leave myself that exposed again.  I am wondering why I even got involved.  I admit it, Sainthood does not become me, because I am still in a fog of anger and confusion over this, and I do not like it one bit.

After drinking it all in, tasting every bitterness swirling in this cup, I still wish I could make things right.  You see, I am always the guy who apologizes, even when it is not my fault.  OK, now I sound like an idiot instead of a victim, but it is true-the apologizing part (the idiot  part I leave to the discretion of your own sound judgement).  I do not know if I am more angry for going off a little bit, or for trying to help in the first place.  I only know, strangely, I still feel for the person and their predicament. 

God knows there are very few situations people fall in to that their ignorance and/or stupidity did not push them.  I should know.  I DO know.  And I realize in 99 percent of those cases they NEED to feel the full force of the blow if they are to ever learn anything from it.  Honestly, it usually takes several blows.  And being a person who has jumped out of many, many boiling pots, my compassion moves me to try and think the better of them so they know that, even if they are completely wrong, they have someone in their corner.  So, who does not appreciate an ally not asking for anything in return?  A person who is possibly sufferring from Bi-Polarism.

Starring down the throat of a genuine canondrum such as this, I cannot communicate in the smallest degree my regret, reaching for remedy, because it is misunderstood.  Perhaps this is a lesson in itself.  Anyone?  Words of wisdom, if there are any for something like this, would be well pondered and prayerfully and strategically applied.  I can see none, save, don't respond in kind (yeah, oops). This entire sting operation does remind me of how massive, how invincible, how amazing, how intoxicating the grace of God is in our daily lives.  Maybe that is where I should stop.