He was the national hero. He was the rock star evangelist of his day. He was the no-name weirdo kid at the end of the block who soared into international limelight with one act of faith. He was the giant killer. But there he was, living among the enemy, acting like some blood-thirsty crackpot for fear of them. He had been obedient to the spirit of God, and his faith championed God's love and care of Israel. But there he was with saliva running down his shaggy beard and hair, his nails overgrown. And that empty, soul-less look in his eye that was percieved as madness was really fear in disguise. His running had taken him from the caves and lonely desolation of the desert right into the lair of the enemy. The man who should have been his most trusted ally was hunting him down like a dog. It was to the point that he felt safer among the heathen than among his own. And there he hid himself. He hid himself, there.
Adversity comes in forms as varied as shells upon the seashore. The flawless roll smoothly on, never flinching, never doubting. But there was only One like that. The rest of us feel that adversity digging into us, pulling out our flaws one by one to display them before the world. We do everything in our power to keep those flaws from being seen as they are heaved into plain view of all who stand around us. Whatever our focus was before, we throw that over for our new, self-absorbing focus-hiding ourselves. What must they think as they watch another gifted man of God begin to flounder in his life's purpose? Can they see the ugly things that have been living inside his character? Can they see his weakness, his fear?
Several more years of madness followed those days in Philistia, years of harsh, merciless treatment by enemies and even by people he tried to help. It was seemingly senseless, those years running. Until he began to remember, once again, the Who of the why in his life. Someone started it all for everyone of us, you know. We ask "Why?" But we forget the Who of the why. Yes, adversity from within causes us to ask why, as well as adversity from without. And it is certainly gut-level instinct to want to run and hide from it. A man has got to know his limits, and when those limits run out, then what?
Once, I took something of insignificant value from a person I love and respect. I thought, "Surely they have seen this mar, this flaw in me." But, they did not even know I took it. I did it out of foolish impulse, and I was so embarrassed I could not bring myself to come clean. For 18 months I ran from this thing, this proof of my true nature. I hid myself in my good intentions, in my work. I allowed psuedo reasoning to excuse what I had done-running to the enemy and feigning bravada, I hid myself there. But I could not remain. I could not keep up the guise and keep my sanity. Eventually, coughing on the bitter harshness of my own actions, I made a phone call one day and spilled it. I was surprised by love, true mercy and compassion. It was demonstrated from the one I had offended, but it came from the heart of God. That day I was reminded of something I had forgotten about the Who of the why.
David's Psalms go from proclaiming the gentle shepherd's heart of God, to bemoaning the circumstances he had to endure (many of his own making), to proclaiming the everlasting mercy and love of God. He hid himself among his enemies because he forgot that he could trust the Father heart of God with his deepest, ugliest flaws. He forgot that God knew everything about him, everything, and still longed to draw him close into His arms. David hit adversity, and his instinct to run and hide was right. His choice of where to hide was wrong. The right hiding place, the only hiding place we'll ever need is in God's arms. There, and only there, will we find the sanctuary we so desparately long for in the midst of what troubles the soul. There we can unmask our flaws, and allow our loving Father to deal with them. We just have to muster up the guts to go there and let the gut-level ugliness in our characters be brushed away in His embrace-s. David learned it. Adversity found him many times after he found himself acting like a fool in the enemy's camp. But he learned to run and hide in the arms of the Father, Who knows our weakness and failures, and Who chooses to love us because of those very things. God allowed the adversity in King David's life to dredge up the flaws within him, which sent him running for refuge to the Father. God used those very things to show His unyielding, invincible love to the world.
God is not impressed with whatever bravada we think we may have, what feats we've accomplished. He is totally impressed when we realize our weaknesses and run to Him for refuge. What's so amazing about that is that anyone, king to pauper, anyone can do that. So run. Hide yourself, your ugly, masked self. Hide yourself in Him. And He will make something miraculously beautiful out of the deepest most troubling times of your life.
"Man looks on the outward appearance, but God looks on the heart."
1 comment:
"Man looks on the outward appearance, but God looks on the heart." Why does that awesome truth both comfort and scare me. Scare me when I try to hide my true self from God himself as if He doesn't really know. So foolish. But comfort me in that I know that I have nothing to offer God for His Kingdom except my willingness to be available. To be conformed and transformed by His Word and Spirit. How I need Him! How He always fills that need. God keep me focused on truth. Wow! What a God! Thanks, Aubrey, for your willingness to be open and transparent. It helps me.
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