impetuous

We live our lives in the moment. All our energy, thought, and effort are continuously directed toward the circumstances of the immediate present. We make preparations in the present time for the time directly after it; getting ready for work, for bed, for school, for vacation, church, a wedding, a funeral. And in the midst of all this living we are engulfed by the roles we play within them, executing our duties. And so it goes, getting caught so tightly in a cycle of living for the moment that any hope of circumspection gets squeezed out entirely.

This year (2010) I became middle aged, officially. Along with all the conscious and subconscious grasping at my fleeting youth, I served myself a large helping of circumspection. My life has been greatly affected by certain people, and, I've been able to greatly affect certain people. Something my Mom said to an early model of me, that has stuck with me, was that people are always watching me, she said, and, I may never know who, but they certainly will. That means something quite different at 40 than it did at 10. She was saying that some people are more than casual observers, and how I behave would affect them at the least, and influence them at the most. Somewhere along the way I stopped caring about that. And the older I get, the more easily prone I am to succuming to tunnel vision, seeing and living in that one glorious American dimension-NOW!!! But at my age, it is most important that I do not live that way.

When I was young, I made it a fine point to not care what others thought of me. Now I see that to govern every decision in this way is the stuff of fools. Though it seemed the least difficult way to cope with the pressures of life, it is utterly short-sighted. Lately, when I hear someone say something like, "that's just the way I am..." I want to slap them in the back of the head and say, "then, change!!" I think of all the people I must have said that to, and what affect it may have had...

All these words are to merely say that at age 40 I see how sometimes brutally selfish I've been; impetuous, incorrigable. The decisions I made that time has now deemed good, I made not so much because I reasoned them to be good decisions, but because I wanted to do them. The fact they were good decisions is sheer luck from my vantage point. Luck, I say, and not blessing, because I do not think God would have blessed my attitude most of the time. But His grace was most certainly pervasive on many of those occasions. And the bad decisions were made in much the same way, with a bit more raw emotion and bad timing thrown in! Again, luck, chance, what have you. Both good and bad I reasoned to be the best decisions for me at the time. I sowed, and now I have weeped!!

When you live for the moment, that is all you will ever have. We tell ourselves, "I deserve this, so I will do it." And we engage in activities that numb us to wisdom and a deeper, richer satisfaction. Like gravity, the law of sowing and reaping will not be subverted. The petulance of youth may yield a small measure of satisfaction and pleasure-like the first few hours of getting a "good" drunk on. But later, it is all lost in a fog, while the suffering hangover ravages through your head and body. There are consequences for every decision. But for impetuous decisions, the consequences seem to be magnified and involve some very UN-pleasantries, over and beyong the small measure of pleasure they may have given.

Wisdom reflects and considers. It takes time and it considers the people involved and the ones you can't see observing you. It considers and weighs consequences. Anyone pushing for quick decisions is either selling something or is just plain foolish. Don't live for the moment. Go against the social norms of the day. Live at a slower, more thoughtful pace. Wisdom says it will be more enjoyable. So sit down, have a pint (but only one. Or maybe two, but no more!), and consider this: General Dwight Eisenhower, the architect of what has come to be known as "D-Day, the Normandy Invasion," made this statement that I'm currently super-glueing to my heart: "The urgent is rarely important, and the important is rarely urgent." But, to apply this one, you must be searching deeper!