humbled

Have you ever asked God to humble you? Have you ever wished to gain a deeper perspective by going through whatever circumstance will bring that about? I have prayed for humility many times. And God has brought me into circumstances where I was totally in over my head.

I was asked to speak at Camp Daniel, a wonderful summer camping program for a variety of people with "outer" more visible disabilities. I knew exactly what I would speak on and began preparing my four sessions. I was so excited for the opportunity to share what God has been sharing with me. But, as the days drew near, some things began to dawn on me. I have spoken at this camp before, and felt great about what I brought. But for some reason, this time, the gravity of what I was doing seemed stronger.

First I realized who my audience was: people with disabilities. People who have been labeled and identified as those unable to do few or many things in the "normal" way. Some of these people have stable, supportive home lives, and are surrounded by people who really love and care for them. But the majority come from group homes or institutions, where they are challenged with being "herded" about by social workers and medical staff, with little understanding of how to live full, free lives, and no one who will really take the time to get to know them enough to really stand in their corner. Worse, some are in terribly abusive circumstances, the likes of which some of us, in our deeply sheltered middle-class lives, would be totally blown away by. Some keep them down just to get their social security benefits. Some are shoved off into a corner to not bother or embarrass anyone. These are the easier cases. Because their backgrounds, life experiences, etc., are so varied, it is difficult to gauge an average of their collective ability to comprehend.

Then I realized the message God has been speaking to me is what I should speak to them. So, in a nutshell, I became totally befuddled that I was speaking to this group of people this message. Who in the world am I to have the ability to do that? Or the opportunity? Even now, a week after camp, I'm overwhelmed by the magnitude of it. Maybe it's my age, the stage of life I'm in, I don't know. I just know I have not petitioned Heaven as much to breath into me the words, the attitude, the spirit of wisdom, to reduce the message to the lowest common denominator and deliver it in such a way that they would care, somehow, to hear it. In the middle of it I felt numb and almost robotic about it all. Now I am magnanimously humbled by it more and more every day I think about it.

The theme this year is "WE ARE STRONG." I talked about Jacob, whom God renamed Israel and made a nation out of him, but who was probably the most un-notable person in scripture. What did he do? No giant slaying, no parting the red seas, no calling fire down from heaven. Aside from being really good with sheep and goats, he did nothing much, really. His noteriety is getting into trouble... a lot. And his sons got in trouble a lot. And his home-life left little to be desired. Maybe that's all because his mom named him Jacob-schemer, schyster, etc. He did not pursue God, but God pursued him. It was not until he got into a situation where it looked like he would be eradicated by his older twin brother, Esau, whom he swindled 25 years earlier, that he really pursued God-motivated by the need for protection! But God came through for him regardless, not because of the saintly man he was, but because of God's love for him. Period. Amazing. So the messages went like this-WE ARE STRONG when we... (Mon. night) know God. (Tues. night) use our gifts. (Wed. night) hold on to God. (Thur. night) forgive.

This is what I had to bring to the campers at Camp Daniel, to these people who, at best are patronized, and at worst, pushed away out of sight and mind of "mainstream" people. You would not believe what they have to give back to those who would dare spend even a little time with them. These are those who Jesus went to recline with at Bethsaida, to take his leisure time with. Think about it: they got to just hang out with Jesus, who wanted to chill... with them, the outcasts, the shunned, the polverized, manipulated, neglected, the targets of derision and disdain. Man, his disciples did not even get that. The people that the Lord Jesus liked to chill out with is who I was bringing this message to. Sometimes I wonder if they could relate to anything I said. I don't know how, but judging from their responses, they did. Totally amazing. But I have to say once again: it was not in my power to do so.

Humility-the understanding that you don't understand what you've been asked to do, but you do it anyway, trusting that the Holy Spirit of God bridges the gap and brings blessing to others from your obedient excercise of faith. Amazed. That word is so misappropriated these days. But I am completely and utterly dazed and amazed that God would use a "Jacob" like me to bless a very special and omni-abled group of people.